Day 8 of 59 Days: There's Always Light"
Day 8: “There is Always Light”
April 27, 2019
Original Painting: “There is Always Light” 10/3/18 Acrylic on Paper 18×24
As I was preparing to write this morning, I found a note on an index card. It was some musing, some “important thought”, and it most likely had a plan, a writing or a workshop around it. The thought was written two ways, changing tenses. I must have been mulling it over. I did edit it, again, this morning. “Living into life and not up to it, releases expectations (Maybe?). The experience is not the achievement.” I don’t even know when I jotted this down on the purple index card. I am not even sure if it was my thought…it could have been something from a conversation with a client. It did present itself this morning, as I was reflecting on this painting.
I specifically chose this painting this morning because I have been processing my chronic habit of doubt. I am gifted with the ability to question, question, question…along with this comes doubt. The process of calling into question, considering the uncertainty of something, or to lack confidence is the meat of this little word…DOUBT. Life is most definitely uncertain. There is no number of questionings, amount of planning or expectations that can guarantee anything in life. From my undergraduate days as an Economics major, the phrase abused in theoretical logic is “all things held equal.” When are things ever really held equal? Hello, doubt!
There is a beauty to this gift of doubting. It raises questions. It helps the process and development of ideas and dreams. If I shift the term from doubt to “brainstorming” or “inquiry”, does it leave a better taste in your mouth? For me it does! It gives rise to possibility. There is always light. The person in a group with the skill of brainstorming or inquiry is helpful. The doubter is a drag, a dream buster, the devil’s advocate. They get the bad rap. The thing about doubt, in the process of expecting certain outcomes, is it squashes that attachment. People with foresight are rarely seen as doubters. They see the big picture and through the process of inquiry, cancel out the “negative” outcomes for the more likely positive ones.
Personally, when I use this superpower of inquiry for others, the language is positive and with possibility, cancelling out the negative dialog in my head. We can carve out through discussion and questions; ideas, plans and goals. Then the person can choose to execute the plan or not. When I use it for myself, the language is not all positive. I identify what isn’t possible, why I won’t be successful, or why I shouldn’t try something. The expression “bird’s eye view” is just that. The bird doesn’t see itself in the view. Dialog is what brings the light. It also brings experience, understanding and growth. A conversation comes to mind that I had with a friend the other day. We met for coffee to catch up. This friend was so determined to “help” me, that he kept giving me ideas about what I should do, could do or what he could do for me. I found my replies feeling very negative. I shot down most of his recommendations. I didn’t want any of them. It felt like judgement or an assault. I was just going to have coffee,to catch up, no agenda. I wasn’t asking for input into my life or business. I am guessing that I do this to others, at times. Sorry!
The gift of the doubter, the brainstormer, the inquirer is they bring both shadow and light. They see many aspects, possibilities and perspectives. Their gift is for others, not themselves. They bring texture, like this painting, light and dark. That is what experiences are, texture in life. When we actual live into life, and not up to it…we feel its texture and that shapes us.
Currently, I am still processing my personal thoughts on my doubts. This may be a life long process. My plan is to live into it and not up to it, hopefully releasing expectations and experiencing living. What about you? Blessings and peace on your journey.
Beth is a seasoned and experienced bodywork, somatic coach and wellness professional. She is available to present on wellness, bodywork and somatic topics; or individual bodywork and coaching sessions. Bring Beth to your area for workshops, speaking events or team building projects. Personal and business coaching are also services that Beth provides. Consider coaching for individual or small groups/teams. Contact Beth for more information and rates.