by Beth Blair, April 27th, 2017
When I first was learning to drive, I remember my parents telling me to watch the blind spot. Now a blind spot is defined by Merriam-Webster as “The point of entry of the optic nerve on the retina, insensitive to light.” Or, “an area where a person’s view is obstructed.” For me these definitions have interesting
relevance to what I have been experiencing in seeking to see what is obstructed in my life and where I have been “insensitive” to the light or the a-ha of things. I can remember thinking as a smart-ass 16-year-old, how can I watch something I cannot see…I may have even said that to my dad! Life has a funny way of bringing this lesson around and around.
What brought me to seek the understanding of my blind spots? It was simply in something I was reading that jumped of the page like a beacon of a flashing neon sign… “Wherever you have a line 2, you have a blind spot that will emerge over and over in your relationships. Look into the mirror of your relationships and you will recognize this blind spot. It will always be called out by another. Always assume it is you! Anger into Passion. (Richard Rudd, Gene Keys)” This is a system, Gene Keys, I have been studying for the past few years. It is fascinating work in self-discovery and awakening. But here is the thing…I have a bunch of 2s in my profile! Not only was I thinking, this explains a bunch of stuff…I was also determined to resolve it, fix it and move forward into a “healthier” way of interacting with others. I felt like Winnie the Pooh… “Think, think, think” as I tapped my brain…what is this blind spot…like it was just one thing! Ha-ha, as if it would be that simple. Well the beautiful thing about Spiritual work is when you “Show Up”, the Universe conspires to help you. I took the long ladder up to the high dive to jump into the deep end of my internal swimming pool and discovered that as open and authentic as I thought I was being…I was truly not. This is not a harsh judgment on myself, it is simply true. In many of my relationships, where I feel safe, I can show up authentically and in those I don’t feel safe…I don’t. I wasn’t showing up! I am a person that is honest to my bones. If you ask me something, I will answer you…no matter what. BUT, I may not share how I feel about the subject…I will give you just the facts. So, here is the playground of growth and development.
I had a person show up in my path recently. What I have to own is when I met this man, he scared the hell out of me. Not in a harmful way, but it was a shake to my core kind of experience. I felt I knew him, that he knew me and we had just met. I avoided him for a time. I banished him for a time. The universe brought him back again. I said, “ok, I can figure this out.” Life is not a puzzle to be solved…it is something to be experienced and lived. Well, I started to get to know this guy…he had an edge to him, a shadow and there was something that I didn’t trust from the beginning…AND it was HIM, not ME (right?!?! ). Well, we texted a bunch and talked and I answered all the things he asked. He deflected, avoided, or deferred. I noticed it, called him out on it and it still stayed the same. I got persistent in wanting “fair sharing.” I pushed! I analyzed! I over-thought!
The classic Yin-Yang Symbol or Tai Chi Symbol is of two “fish” or swirls, usually black and white. Many look at this as a dualistic approach to living…you cannot have dark without light, good without bad, etc. I view this as parts of the whole. From the Yin-Yang symbol, it is a circle that is divided with a curving line that creates equal halves… each having some of the other in it. If you study it, you will notice as you move around the circle as one color starts to increase the other decreases never to the point of fully diminishing, and then it shifts. This is polarity…parts of the whole…parts of oneness. If I come back to the definition of blind spot, as related to the eye, it says that there is a part of the eye where the optic nerve attaches and is “insensitive to light,” darkness. This is what made me think of the Yin-Yang symbol and the cycling of polarity and the people that show up to help us.
So, as I was digging in to figure out what my blind spot is…I got a little intense. I have been accused of being intense, too much, over-thinking and persistent. None of these things are negative to me…I am showing up for my Spiritual work…It reminds me of the opening from the Prince song “Let’s Go Crazy”, “Dearly beloved we are gathered today to get through this thing called life…” We are here together and I want to do more than just “get through.” Each person in our path is here to teach us something…some things we like, some…not so much. AND, we show up in the lives of others too! Some things they like, some not so much! Soooooo, as I ponder the lessons I am learning…I am so dearly grateful for these growing pains.
My a-ha moment came as I did what The Gene Keys teaches…contemplate from the heart, not the mind. Allow the words to dissolve into each cell of your body and spirit…what showed up? The Truth! Was I truly sharing? NOPE! I was giving just the facts, I wasn’t sharing the truth. This guy scared me! So I owned it…nothing happened! Shit!!! Shit!!! Shit!! I thought I figured it out…oh, wait! I have to voice it to HIM! @#$%$#@! I felt the Charlie Brown bubble of curse words shoot out of my head, (only they were the real words). I heard a voice inside my core, “now we’re getting somewhere!!” @#%$#@!!!!! So, I voiced it to the guy! I got a reply that I was pretty much those things…persistent, intense, overthinking! My inner “breakfast club” voice showed up saying, “your forgot…too much, crazy, analytical and need to relax!!”
What happened next was a beautiful cosmic bouquet of flowers, that opened my heart and healed my soul. I had 4 new bookings for my practice happen in the matter of 10 minutes…I felt a renewal of energy in every cell of my body and I received several invitations to social events with friends. These are just a few things that happened after I looked in the mirror and told the guy I was guilty of not truly sharing, I was doing the things I accused him of doing. I could see myself as him. I could see my shadow and my light. I could see my blind spot! Well, if I can see my blind spot, is it really still a blind spot? This is probably one of a gazillion blind spots that I have. But what is the practice? Show up! Ask the questions, answer the questions WITH feeling and trust yourself. The person you are talking with is part of you…they mirror an aspect of your inner landscape…it may be a place that you haven’t dared to go…GO!
I am committed to keep showing up, to navigating my blind spots, to invitations to grow and to the fun of this “thing called life.” It doesn’t have to be dull. There will be those that don’t want to swim in the deep end of the pool…that is ok. There is a quote that showed up in my facebook feed as I was writing this, “Her soul was too deep to explore by those who swam in the shallow end. (A.J. Lawless)” Not only do I live in the deep end, I thrive there! Come on in the water is perfect! It is my prayer that I bring lessons to all those whose path I cross and that they find the benefit, learning and growth as valuable as I do. It is not a competition or a “rat race”! It is co-creation and we are helping each other here. Blessings on your journey. Much gratitude to each of you for what you bring to my journey.